I Am A POWERFUL Woman

More Joy. More Peace. More Power.

Update

Over the last couple of years, I’ve written maybe three posts a year. I pay monthly to be able to write here, so it’s time to either write consistently or let this blog fade into nothingness.

One reason it might be a challenge to write with any consistency now is because I’m in school part time and working 32 hours a week. I was in school full time last semester and will be full time again next semester, if I’m brave enough to continue pursuing my education.

I sometimes feel like I’m too anxious for school. I threaten to quit every time I sit down to do my biology homework. (I need that class to get my associate’s degree, so this semester would be a legitimate stopping point…if I want to continue to struggle financially.) My kids talk me down and I manage to finish my assignments.

My days are busy running myself to school and work, running my seventeen-year-old back and forth to work, and getting three of us to standing appointments a few times a week.

Everybody is busy. Busy people still make time to do things that are important to them. If other people can be busy and create, then I can too.

I said in my previous post that I wanted to wake up early and do Self Care. Waking up early is the key to a more peaceful experience of life for me and would be the perfect time to get some writing done.

I’m sharing all of this for some accountability. If I’m going to wake up early to write, then I need to wrap this up and get to bed.

Thank you for reading. I’d love to hear any thoughts that might have come up for you about projects you’d like to work on, or any words of advice you might have for me in the comments.

Take good care of yourself.

Sarah

Happy New Year

What matters most is what gets done, or to put it another way,

“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way.

If not, you’ll find an excuse.”

Jim Rohn

What do you want to do this year? I didn’t give New Year’s resolutions much thought before today, but at some point, within the last couple of weeks, I decided I needed an attitude adjustment. I’ve been living life as a victim again and that’s not okay with me.

The following statement is my #1 New Year’s resolution for 2024.

This year, I want to have an improved outlook on life, regardless of any hardship I may be going through (which hopefully there won’t be any/many of those.)

Here are some additional goals I’d like to pursue in 2024.

  • I want to take more action.
  • I want to be more supportive of other single moms. I want to figure out what that looks like and do it.
  • I want to write/create more.
  • I want to have more fun/more joy 🙂
  • I want to be more disciplined–wake up early for self-care and make time to exercise.
  • I want to “want to” exercise.

What do you want to do this year? Let me know.

Glennon Doyle Ruined My Marriage

It was 2016. I read some clever articles by Glennon Doyle and one in particular stood out. It was something to the effect of, “Sometimes sisters choose to leave and sometimes sisters choose to stay.”

I made the choice to stay in 2013. I wanted all the justification for this drama I continued to put myself through that was available.

In the article, Glennon was promoting her book, Love Warrior. Love Warrior is Glennon’s story of staying.

I ordered my copy but while I waited for my copy to come, Glennon made the announcement that her marriage to her husband Craig ended.

I had a gut feeling that reading her book would lead to me making a similar decision. I was honestly nervous to start reading but knew I needed encouragement from someone who had walked down a similar path.

I was tired of conversations with other women who told me I was a better woman than they were. They boldly proclaimed they would never stay in that scenario. I didn’t feel like a better woman after those conversations. I felt convicted and… like I was making a weak move. Was I setting a bad example for my children by staying?

Two-thirds of the way through the book, I knew my marriage was done.

Glennon shared how after she and Craig split up, he fought to win her back. He did everything in his power to show he cared. It didn’t work at the time, but he did it anyway. He was pursuing her and their family.

I cried at the realization that I was not being pursued. I was, in fact, the one pursuing.

Shortly after finishing the book, I gave Jason an ultimatum. We could go to counseling and get help or call it quits.

We went to one counseling appointment and that was it. In that meeting, the therapist asked us both how we experienced love from the other person. I said I didn’t, and he admitted that he hadn’t been looking to give or receive love for years. Case closed.

Thanks a lot, Glennon.

No, seriously.

I don’t think it’s wrong for couples to stay together to work through marital problems if it’s both people working toward healing. That’s the best-case scenario.

Divorce is messy and draining and six years later, I’m still feeling big emotions about my marriage falling apart. It’s not a decision to rush into.

A self-care thought I often reflect on is EVERYTHING IS INTERCONNECTED. Our words and actions ripple out into the world. The Melton’s divorce story really did impact my heart to the point that I took action toward ending my marriage.

Isn’t that crazy?!

We are ALL interconnected.

I have made some great friendships through this 12-year I Am a Powerful Woman journey. I’ve been encouraged by the women who have interacted with my posts over the years and from time to time, I get messages that I’ve encouraged them.

Yesterday I put together a Facebook Group for single moms and former single moms who want to encourage those of us navigating single-mom waters. It’s called Single Moms Empowerment Community and I’d love to have you be part of it if you fall into one of those two categories. Follow this link and let’s interconnect.








Five Thoughts That Help When You Feel Like Giving Up

Last night, I sat in Shoe Carnival with a box of work boots in my lap and teared up. My 40 hour a week job reduced our hours by an entire day or two a week. In a bit of a panic, I called all the temporary work agencies in my area and secured a spot in a different production setting. I miss selling life insurance.

There’s been a knot in my stomach since yesterday and tears well up at certain thoughts.

I’m disappointed by so many aspects of my life.

I’m disappointed my marriage didn’t work out, disappointed with my bank account, disappointed about having to start another new job, disappointed with my spiritual journey, disappointed with the job I did raising five children (They suffered because I didn’t do a better job at adulting.) I’m disappointed with my weak thoughts that beckon me to make poor life choices.

How quickly I went from feeling super inspired a few days ago to wanting to give up today. When I say give up, it sounds quite dramatic. I don’t want to end my life, but I would love to take a big break from this heavy burden. I feel weary.

“Anyone can give up; it is the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone would expect you to fall apart, now that is true strength.”
― Chris Bradford

the way of the sword

I spent some time analyzing my negative headspace and here are five thoughts that helped me regain perspective and get some peace.

There are ALWAYS choices available.

I’m not stuck in my current circumstances. As stuck as I may feel, I always have choices available, even if my choice is to do nothing. This applies to what I do with the rest of my day and the larger picture.

This is temporary.

“The only constant in life is change.” I won’t always work the job I start tomorrow. I have a plan, and this is a small part of that plan. I can handle the discomfort for a little while knowing it’s temporary.

Am I safe? I am.

In this moment, I’m okay. There isn’t anyone banging down my door to take my money, drag me off to jail, or end my life. I can calm down and take care of what needs to be taken care of tonight. I can get present.

I’m not alone.

Other women have walked this single mom journey before me and there are hundreds of thousands of women walking it beside me now.

I’m not alone in my home. There are three children under my roof who could use some love and attention right this very minute.

I’m not alone in my life. I can reach out to friends and family and ask for help, emotionally and tangibly. Support is one text or call away.

There’s no guarantee of tomorrow.

With that being said, how do I wish to go about the rest of today? Do I want to mope and bring my kids down with me or do I want to create a productive evening, with some quality kid time built in?

What are your go to thoughts for getting out of a funk? I’d love to hear them. Leave a comment.

Broken

I Would Never

My mom and I visited The Hemingway House in 2015.

For someone who judged Ernest Hemingway’s character pretty harshly, I feel like I quote him often in blog posts.

The longer I live, the more I see I’m in no position to judge another person for anything ever. I believe we’re capable of making the same life choices if given the same set of circumstances, decisions that either enrich or bring destruction to our lives.

We tend to sit in judgment of other people based on our experiences, not theirs. We’re all just humans being humans. No one is without reproach.

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.” ― Ernest Hemingway

A Farewell to arms
Hemingway’s writing studio and safari trophy room

Are You Broken?

Three years ago, when I was going through an especially tough time, my wise friend, Linda Pritcher posed the question, “Are you broken?”

I felt very broken.

“Do you look at other people and think, ‘They are broken.'”

My answer was no.

I don’t see anyone as broken beyond repair. They aren’t broken, just a little cracked.

This made me think about the Japanese art form Kintsugi, where the cracks in a once-perfect pottery piece are filled with gold, making that pottery one of a kind and more valuable than it was to begin with.

We are kind of like pottery. We’re born perfect and collect cracks as we grow.

Conversations with Linda always leave me uplifted. That day was no exception. For as long as I held onto the thought that I was just like everyone else, I was able to show myself grace. Over the years I ended up forgetting this truth.

I’m going to write down I AM NOT BROKEN. I’m going to stick it somewhere I can be reminded of often.

Bringing It Full Circle

I was having a discussion with a friend about some messy situations in my life. I’ve felt so broken over the last few months. So hopeless. This stronger at the broken places quote came to mind.

Ernest and Pauline

Through personal examination of the quote and my previous feelings of accusation against Ernie H, I’ve discovered that Sarah Boucher and Ernest Hemingway are more alike than we are different. I’m no better than him. When put to the test, I could easily take some of the same paths he took if I’d had his childhood, teenage experiences, friends, marriages, so on and so forth.

Someone in my shoes would’ve made similar choices as I have.

If I were in your circumstances, I’d most likely make many of the same choices you’ve made.

You and I are the same. We are not broken people, just cracked, and there’s a neverending supply of gold to fill said cracks, to make us stronger at our broken places.

My mom told me years ago, “You are neither more valuable nor less valuable than anyone else.”

Bill Cumming, my friend, and mentor would later reinforce this lesson. I would encourage you to visit Bill’s and Linda’s websites. They are both wonderful resources.

Oh, and Mr. Hemingway, I feel I owe you an apology.

The Sixth Sense

Ernest Hemingway, I see you.

It’s Not Like That Anymore

I’m moving…again. 

I’m tired of moving. This makes my 25th move in 43 years, that is if you count moving out of my mother’s womb as the first one.

This is the 16th move I’ve made with a kid/kids in 25 years and move #5 in 7 years! 

The worst part of this particular move is this house is perfect for my family, but it’s a rental.  As such, I don’t plan to be there for more than a year or two because the rent is stupid high. 

When I signed the lease, I asked the owner if he’d consider selling after a year. It’s part of his retirement plan so he doesn’t seem willing to part with it, but it won’t hurt to ask again next year.

“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.”

Nora Roberts

I haven’t been great at meeting my expenses with much lower rent, so this will be a fun little experiment. If I do my job properly, my financial crisis should quickly resolve itself.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

I don’t know what your thoughts are on taking an active role in creating your life or manifesting your desires, but I declared that I wanted to make $100,000 in 2021. 

I was working in an office making $20,000 when I decided it was time dust off my health license and put it to use. I planned to quit the office job by February or March of this year and sell supplemental insurance full time.

My boss expedited the opportunity to make my desired income by switching from the company he’d worked with for 17 years to Family First Life, a few days before Christmas. It put me in a complete tailspin. 

After a couple of weeks of going back and forth about which company I wanted to make this $100,000 goal a reality with, I decided to pursue the opportunity with Family First Life.  (After you’re done reading here, you can click on the link to get a quick overview of Family First Life, if you’re looking for a career, part time or full time. Leave a comment here or message me on Facebook after you’ve watched the video if you want more information.)

I obtained my life license and made my first sale on February 25th!

If I don’t meet my $100,000 goal it will 100% be because I didn’t follow the system. If I put forth enough effort, I can meet and exceed my goal before the end of the year. If I keep doing like I’ve been doing from February 25th up until now, I’ll make a little more than I did last year, but I’ll be 70K shy of my goal.

I’ve kept my feet on the brake and accelerator, which isn’t helping me at all. I’ve decided this is deep rooted in money mindset issues. I’m so used to struggling financially and emotionally, so I’m doing lots of self sabotaging.

I’m finding very valid reasons (aka excuses) to not work diligently–doctor’s appointments…orthodontist appointments for 3 kids…this move…so on and so forth.

This morning I was trying to fall back asleep and my stomach was in knots. I was thinking about how the last 15 years have been some form of drama or turmoil. I’ve lived in chaos for f-i-f-t-e-e-n years. Sheesh kapeesh! That’s 14 too many.

11 of those were trying to sort through marital drama. To stay together or not to stay together? That was the question. (I don’t wish that on my worst enemy…well, maybe…but then I’d wish life lessons learned and lots of happiness on that B-word. I’m sorry, but she’s a real “not nice woman.” She treated my children horribly. It’s okay though because I’d only be wishing her 11 years of turmoil, not a lifetime. If I’m being honest, she’s suffered enough in her 40 something years, which is why she goes around causing others to suffer. If there’s a way for her to heal from her own trauma, the better off she’ll be and the rest of the people she comes in contact with, so the right thing to do is to wish her well from far far away.) 

I digress.

The last four years have been an attempt to stabilize after the separation, learning all the hard lessons one learns after a long term relationship ends, attempting to move forward in a healthy manner and making plenty of mistakes (just like I did during the first separation.)

Random Sidenote

If you haven’t been through a separation or divorce, you really think you know how you’d conduct yourself, but you have no idea how you’d actually respond. Thank God you haven’t had to go through it and be gentle with your friends and family members navigating that trainwreck of a new beginning. It’s Hell on Earth. They need your love and support more than anyone realizes. 

And we’re…

back to this morning. There I was, trying to rest, beating myself up for being in transition for the last 15 years. (That number still blows my mind.) The point of all of this is, much like declaring a monetary goal for 2021, it’s time to get rid of the story that I’m struggling and decide that I’m creating a phenomenal future.

The phrase NOW I LIVE came to mind. NOW I LIVE

I suffered. I did that. NOW I LIVE

I did my best to make it through challenging circumstances for 15 years. NOW I LIVE.

NOW I LIVE. NOW YOU LIVE. NOW WE LIVE.

I was talking with my former boss/soon to be former landlord a couple of weeks ago, about my money mindset hang ups. I stated my concern and he replied, “It’s not like that anymore.” It just rolled off his tongue as if he’d said, “The sun is shining.”

It’s not like that anymore. NOW I LIVE.

Let’s live now. This is our time!

As always, thank you for reading. I’d love to hear any thoughts you have from, “Me too!” to “Could you please write a blog post about ____________.” Drop your thoughts below.

Be Someone Who Can

Published on Facebook March 6, 2020

I woke up this morning and smiled…FRIDAY. My girls come home from their dad’s on Friday. I rolled over and drifted back to sleep.

The next time I woke up, I wasn’t smiling. I felt tired and not as excited to be awake. Once I sat up, I thought about how I never want to start another day without my Daily Self Care Routine. I knew relief was on the way, so I got my coffee, and got right to it.

The last couple of mornings of quiet time have been especially rewarding. Yesterday, after reading a chapter from Fearless, by Steve Chandler, I was inspired to BE SOMEONE WHO COULD.

Often, when I sit down to write, I feel blocked. Completely blocked. So…I decided to BE LOUISA MAY ALCOTT, MAYA ANGELOU, MARIE FORLEO, GLENNON DOYLE, or ELIZABETH GILBERT.

If my story is that I can’t do something…anything from home organization to parachuting from a plane, I can set that story aside and be someone who can.

By the way, I can say with 100% certainty that I’ll NEVER want to jump out of a plane. Ever.

Update–March 21, 2021

Today I was Seth Godin (who cranks out motivational content daily) and Tom Hopkins (a well known real estate agent turned motivational speaker, known for selling 365 houses in one year!) I’m still 100% certain I’ll NEVER want to jump out of a plane.

What story are you telling yourself that keeps you stuck? Who would you be WHO CAN? Let me know.

A great starting place on the journey to dropping your story is www.whateverypersoncando.org The online course is very affordable. If you’d like to discuss going through the program one on one with me instead of the online course, message me through Facebook Messenger.

Would I pay to stay here?

Would I pay to stay here? It’s a question I ask myself regularly.

Early in our marriage, Jason and I bought new bedroom and living room furniture.  I’d buy the occasional holiday knickknack to display.  We lived in a 1980s, 3 bedroom, 1 bath, typical starter home.  Jason worked hard to support us while I stayed home and attempted the art of being a homemaker.

When we were around 24, we talked about the possibility of becoming missionaries and lost interest in acquiring anything new.  I envisioned the four of us, holding hands, traipsing through the airport, sporting backpacks that contained our very few earthly possessions, headed to some faraway place, where I’d have to be tough enough to butcher my own chickens.

By 30, the missionary vision was long gone.  Our home was a collection of random furniture and mismatched everything.  All of the new furniture was ruined, discarded, or sold along the way.  We’d collected two more children and lived in a tiny 2 bedroom cottage in downtown Bowling Green.  


The only constant in life is change

Heraclitus

I remember Jason telling me it would be possible to decorate our home the way we wanted to, without spending much money.  He bought a yellow mid century boomerang coffee table and hung brightly colored records on the living room wall.  We had a restaurant booth as our kitchen table. We picked out a new shower curtain, brown and turquoise, with matching towels and washcloths.

All four children shared a room, two twin beds, a toddler bed, and white crib.  It was crowded but we made it work. Other than the comforter sets Jason and I received as wedding gifts, the new comforters purchased for the seven of us over the years, could be counted on one hand.

Rewind

When I was fifteen, I cleaned house for a woman named Pam.  Her bed was very tall, the bedding all white.  She probably had twenty pillows.  I don’t know if it was Pam’s bed or some other bed I’d encountered in my past, but somewhere along the way, beds became a symbol of home to me.  

When I was ten, my great-grandmother passed away.  She had so many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  The great-grandchildren were each given $100.  I used my inheritance to buy a white daybed.  My mom painted my room light pink and I got new bedding.  It definitely makes more sense that this would be the defining story from my childhood about beds, but Pam’s bed was still quite impressive.

And…We’re Back.

Recently, I made a post about a personal experiment where I’m approaching life from a different perspective, one aspect of it being that I want my home to be somewhere that I would pay to spend the night.  A couple of weeks ago, I bought affordable memory foam mattress toppers for all of us.  I can’t believe I didn’t do this sooner.  I mentioned that comforters were next on the wish list.

I got a Facebook message from Mandy the next day.  Our 19 year olds used to be on the same debate team.  Mandy’s family ended up moving halfway across the country.  

She told me that she reads my posts and enjoys them, even though she doesn’t comment on them.  She said she wanted to help with my bedroom project and to please not say no to her request. Mandy mentioned how much her three daughters enjoy their pretty beds and she wanted to help me give my girls that experience. 

Big Girls Don’t Cry (except for when we do.)

I fought the urge to tear up as I read the message to Nora.  Nora was grateful and very excited.  I called Maggie into my office and read her the message.  She proceeded to tear up and then sobbed.  She was so incredibly moved by this act of generosity by a woman she doesn’t even know.  Maggie isn’t like me.  She sees people as being pretty awful, but this was such a pure gift and it made a huge impact on her.  We all teared up at Maggie’s moment of appreciation and hugged it out.  I hoped this would allow her to see that maybe my theory about people being mostly good is closer to the truth than her theory.

After the tears, came the excitement.  The girls got busy shopping.  Keep in mind my goal here is to have my home be somewhere I’d pay to stay, so you can imagine my panic when Maggie yelled, “Baby Shark!” and then, “Dinosaurs!”

(Both Baby Shark and the Dinosaur Picture will take you to Amazon if your teenager simply must have one of them)

I was able to talk her down.  We looked at floral duvets and then plain colored comforters.

We discussed whether or not the girls should have matching sets since they share a room, or at least similarly colored ones.

It took Nora a week to settle on the right comforter, but Maggie made her decision that very night.

“I have the perfect one, Mom!”  She turned her phone around and there it was in all its glory–seven rather large pictures of Danny DeVito in various roles, most of them from Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  

Don’t get me wrong.  Danny is a fantastic comedic actor, but this was not at all what I was going for.  It’s probably not what Mandy had in mind either. 


I wanted to veto Devito.  

“How about the dinosaurs?” I called out, as she ran off to show Sam and Hellie what she’d designed at Bags of Love.  At that point, I knew the battle was lost.  I might as well embrace the fact that Danny DeVito was about to become a permanent  part of the landscape of my home.  

I started to think through this “crisis”.  What about my vision?  What would Mandy think?  How am I going to tell Mandy how we used her gift? 

This might be a good time to mention that Nora had a bit of a Howie Mandel obsession last year.  Jason even took her to see him perform at SkyPac.  I could picture it–Danny DeVito on Maggie’s bed and Howie Mandel on Nora’s.

Oh my!

But then I remembered that Maggie is a teenager.  This is what teenagers do. 

Maggie is one of those kids that everything she touches or creates becomes whimsical.  She reminds me of one of my best friends from high school, Shannon.  Everything Shannon did kind of fascinated me. 

Why not buy a one of a kind comforter for my creative, hilarious daughter who wants to do her own thing?

Danny DeVito Blanket

Now comes the question. Would I pay to sleep in Maggie’s bed? 

While I truly appreciate a beautiful room, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’d rather pay to stay somewhere with loads of character rather than pristine elegance. 

The only thing that’s missing from this Danny DeVito altar is twenty pillows. 

Danny DeVito Duvet

The absolute joy on Maggie’s face when she pulled her creation out of the Bags of Love package is something I’d pay to see over and over again.  And when I peek into her room, instead of seeing a loud eye sore, I see fun.  I see personality.  It makes my heart happy. 

After much deliberation, Nora chose…not Howie Mandell, but a white duvet, with elegant yellow flowers.  The reverse side is a gray chevron pattern.  

Twin Duvet Cover
Click this picture to view on Amazon (after you’re done reading the rest of my story, of course.)

Their shared room is perfect.  A little bit of everything, like the rest of my home.  It’s perfectly imperfect. 

Thank you Danny, for sharing your comedy gold with the world.  Maggie, thank you for being brave enough to have fun and go against the Mom grain.  Lead on, Girl.  Be unapologetically you.  Mandy, thank you for helping me with my project.  I know you didn’t do it for the accolades, but your gift had a significant impact on us.  

And to the rest of you, thank you for reading my little story about the day Danny Devito came to my house and I couldn’t get rid of him.  He’s an honored guest actually.

Do you have anything akin to a Danny DeVito duvet cover in your house?   Share your unique decor in the comments below or over on Facebook. Pictures encouraged.

Much Love,

Sarah B.

Sarah Boucher

Take Control of Your Thoughts

I was standing in a dark room–a victim of my own thinking. I didn’t know the room even had a light in it. Steve Chandler was the first person to reach in the dark room and flip the switch. He said, “You can turn this light on and off any time you want. The switch is right here. You don’t have to stay in the dark. You’re not stuck. You’re not broken.” 

Then it was up to me to believe that I truly was in control of the switch. I worked pretty diligently at keeping the light on for awhile.

Several years ago, I decided to turn the light off. I was back in the dark. I was scared. I just sat there. Not moving. 

No matter how hard I tried to shut out the truth, I wasn’t able to forget that I knew right where the switch was and who controls it.

In November, totally fed up with the darkness, I made the decision to flip the switch–to start creating my days again, instead of reacting to what I refused to see.

A few weeks ago, I was in a used book store. Awe…books. Can you have too many?

I had 3 or 4 picked out and was debating which one to put back. That’s how I shop for everything with the exception of groceries. My family doesn’t like shopping with me and I really don’t blame them. I don’t even like shopping with me.

So there I was, agonizing over which Anne Lamott book to part with, when I saw Loving What Is, by Byron Katie.

I’d heard her name on and off over the years but was completely unaware of her simple but profound life changing work, known as The Work.

If you, like me are ready to take back control of your thinking or to take control for the first time, I recommend starting with The Work. It will blow your mind and bring you peace.

Everything you need is FREE at Byron Katie’s website thework.com

Here’s to a life lived in the light.

Much love,

Sarah B.

P.S. If you’re not a member of the Pdub Hub, go here to become one and here to connect on Facebook. See you there.

One Way to Deal With Loneliness

“Loneliness is Such a Sad Affair”

I wake up and usually a negative thought or two come in uninvited.  I get a cup of coffee, sit down with a pen and paper, focus on thoughts that put the negative ones in perspective, and carry on like a champ.   

Tonight though, I’m feeling a wee bit discouraged.  The remedy? More cowbell.  

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“Survey says…”

More Cowbell probably won’t help here, but it could be a fun distraction. Self Care is what actually came to mind because it can be lathered, rinsed, and repeated as often as needed, but it’s practically bedtime and I’m stubborn.  To think of tonight as a gift…when it’s almost over and I feel gloomy–insert eye roll.

I’ve tried to pin down the thoughts causing the gloom.  I’ve narrowed the culprits down to fear and loneliness. Ah, loneliness, my old friend.  Welcome back, ya filthy animal.

*Since I refuse to look at tonight as a gift (which it is, it’s just almost over)

*or to think about how we’re all connected (which we certainly are)

*or to think about how the only thing I have any control over tonight, is HOW I CHOOSE to be (again–day’s almost over–what’s the point of making a choice to be anything and then going to bed?)

*and I prefer to wallow, instead of being good to myself, what is that I DO want?

Well, I don’t want to wallow.  

Crap!  I accidentally wrote my way out of my loneliness funk.  

What Else Can Be Done About Loneliness?

Before I unknowingly fixed my thinking (it’s that easy!) I tried to figure out what it was that I was looking for outside of myself.  

Who am I lonely for or am I just lonely?  

Who did I want to magically appear to fix things, to comfort me?  What would I want them to say that would ease the internal struggle?  Could they say anything that would help or even if they say the right words, would I let them in?

Would praying have helped?  I’m sure it would.  

“Are you there God?  It’s me Fiona. It’s me Fiooonaaaaa…

This song gets sung around here quite often and popped into my head with the thought of praying.

I probably could’ve used a hug, but I couldn’t think of any one thing that someone else could have said. I’ve had plenty of comforting words said in the past and often they went in one ear and out the other.  I found myself a day or two later in need of more comforting words. After years of looking for that comfort from outside sources, I know this is work I must do on my own. It’s no one’s job but mine.  

I forget that these “unpleasant” thoughts show up to guide us.  They’re here so we can explore them and see what needs to be dealt with. We can feel them, process them, and then carry on.

I’ve been lonely before and it used to be more intense than it was tonight–yay progress!  Self Care has been my biggest help in dealing with that longing for a companion, because I’m only dealing with one day at a time, not the past, not the future.  

In the present, after I’ve done self care, I’m too busy living my life, taking care of my responsibilities, and working on happy projects to spend much time wallowing over the fact that there’s not a line of Prince Charmings or Young George Clooneys outside my door waiting to take me to the ball or the medical supply closet, if you get my drift.   

Even though I was initially bummed that when I sit down to watch an episode of Gilmore Girls later, I won’t be cuddling up next to Charming or Young Clooney or heck–Mature Clooney for that matter, I allowed the loneliness to come.  I felt it. I processed it and now I’m back to being okay with where I’m at in my life (Clooney FREE) at 11:00 PM. I’m ready to relax, enjoy 40 minutes in Stars Hollow, and head to bed feeling complete on my own (the way we all need to feel, whether we’re in a relationship or not.) 

The other “bad” thought pestering me was fear of the future–uhm…hello, Sarah.  It’s the FUTURE.  I can’t do any work in the future tonight.  What I can do is take a deep breath, recognize that I’m okay in this moment.  There’s no crisis at 11:00 PM for me. There’s PLENTY to get stirred up about if I CHOOSE to, but I don’t choose that.  

I have the opportunity to get  completely present, finish this blog post, relax, and get a good night’s sleep.  

Thanks for being part of this Powerful Woman community.  If you have any questions about Self Care, my routine, or how it’s assisted me in experiencing a happier now, leave a comment or message me through Facebook.  I’ll be happy to share what’s worked for me.

Make yourself a great weekend.

Much love,

Sarah B

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